Day 23: Tiny Screens and Self-Esteems

"How ever will anyone find my hashtags on my authentically sourced manuscript?" she asked herself, hoping someone would notice how very early 90's "Blossom" slash Tom Petty she looked. (via)

 
On my way to work on a tiny screen, I started writing my book this week. The big book - the biggest thing I'll have ever created other than a human. (Humans count, right?)

It was going pretty well, all things considered. Sure - it was only 8 minutes with which to expound upon the joys of selling one's knitted puppy apparel, but those were 8 minutes I would've wasted staring at old farts in frumpy Fiats on the freeway.

Later on in the week, I decided I needed to do more than spend 8 minutes tapping at a screen. So I set up shop at a local coffeehouse/garage, treating myself to a mocha with whipped cream after an intense workout and got to work... reading things that would just make me hate & doubt myself for HOURS!

Lemme give you a pro-tip: 

Do not ask Louis C.K. if you're a writer, even if only through Google. If you do, he will tell you:

"I typically don't write out in the world. I think people who do that are exhibitionists, showing off that they are writers. And I say that because I've done it -- you want to be in a coffeehouse with your notebook and look really thoughtful."

And if you're procrastiworking by doing research for what makes a great expert, you could also twist in the winds of self-doubt for hours after reading the following super insightful article from the Editor-In-Chief & Director of 99U, Sean Canda:  

The Creative World's Bullshit Industrial Complex: 
Don't fall into the trap of being an expert before you're ready. We have enough of those.

Add in some insecurity and self-doubt and you've got the PERFECT writing environment in which to assure creative humans that they can achieve their dreams with a little help from a friend... moi.

Needless to say, at this point, I felt like utter shite. Who was I to advise them on how to be awesome? I was barely holding together my awesomeness... or what was now seeming to be perceived awesomeness.

As the post-punk bards started thrashing around loudly in the garage that was hooked up to the venue, I found myself surrounded by 20-somethings, hipster grab on parade, all trying to look thoughtful with their notebooks.

F*ck.

I wanted to grab a big chalkboard sign and put some other shit on parade for a minute:

I got 1.5 pages, 12 pt, double spaced. Basically, I wrote a little more than what would fit on a post-it. And I wanted to be proud of myself because I sat down a got words out. But there was this nagging voice int he back of my head:

Don't write because you want to be rich or famous. Write because you have something to say.

I have LOTS to say! I have sooooo much help to give. And yet, because in my intial project proposal (and on this blog) I openly stated that one of the goals of all of this writing is to be able to meet two people I super admire, Mindy Kaling and/or Tina Fey, this would seem to diminish my worthwhile goals?

I wanted to say that lofty goals are put out there because they keep you going. And just because I wanted cool things didn't mean I couldn't do a lot of cool things for cool people along the way.

 So, with those goals in mind, did that mean my meaningful contribution to the creative arena at large was a farce? Did I seem like I was just grubbing for gaudy homies?

No. No, it didn't. 

Reason: I'm willing to work my ass off whilst helping as many humans as possible in order to become a better human. 

If I wanted fame, I could find an easier way that staying up all night writing shit. If I wanted fortune, I'd go get a higher payin' job. If I wanted celebrity, I'd get my fat ass on a f*ckin' reality show! Lord knows I have the personality for one.

There are plenty of people who I admire that write things I enjoy consuming. But my favourite books are written with something to say other than "Look at me, I'm cool." They often say "I wasn't cool. I got a little better with a lot of hard work."

THAT, my friends, is why I kept typing. Those wise words from Mindy Kaling and my introvert twin, Meredith Smith. She's like the Amy Poehler to my Tina Fey.

I poured out my sad-faceness about my current inner dilemma and she did what she does best: present facts logically in order to prove a theorem. 

In this instance, her theorem revolved around me being a "crafty guru" that belonged in her circle of experts. 

Her logic for dismissing my insecure self-talk were sound. Her evidence regarding my methods and their effects on people who were trying to figure themselves out have been shown time and time again in people I have helped for almost a decade.

She was right. I wasn't doing this for money or fame (although I do want to leave a legacy for my son that shows his momma worked f*ckin' HARD to get him things by helping others), but it would be sweet if those things came along with it. 

I'm writing this book in spite of my puny self-esteem. I'm writing it on tiny screens and on pump-breaks at work. I'm writing and researching it while I work out 3 times a day and lull my baby to sleep. I'm putting in so much work on meeting people I can help and learn from, sometimes I forget I need to spend time with my kid!

When I realized how much of myself I've been pouring into this book, I knew Meredith was right.

Haters gonna hate, but makers gotta make, b*tches.

- Steph

Day 22: I freakin' LOVE Quote Memes!

In an age in which we consume media at a the speed of light, yet lack the need to go more in depth than a passing glance, I believe memes are the perfect intellectual amuse bouche. 

• We don't have to engage with more than a "Like"
• We can share with our friends & look hella deep
• We can absorb it for a second or two, go "Hmm" to ourselves thoughtfully and move on

Thank God I'm allowed to move on, cos otherwise I would be stuck reading for days!

[NOTE: I'd actually LOVE reading and reading for days. I wish I had loads of uninterrupted time to do that. But I also love being able to connect with some wisdom for like 2 seconds and then looking for more, soooooo...]

Good ol' Ray Bradbury has been my favourite giver of sage advice these days. Not only was I struck with his mastery of storytelling when I was a 17 year old and was assigned to read Fairenheit 451 for summer reading, but the guy dishes out some heavy knowledge nuggets.

If I had to pick a few people to invite to a tea party of awesomeness, it'd go down like this:

• Pick out feather boas and frilly hats that each guest would have to choose one of and wear the duration of the party
• Get out of mismatched "china" I'd collected from thrift stores
• Make sure they had some top tier Earl Grey tea a-brewin' (cos, c'mon - WRITERS!)
• Rent space in a fancy tea place's backroom with lots of sunlight, but where we wouldn't be disturbed.
• If that wasn't possible, hold the tea party in a SUPER awesome and booky-smellin' library.

The guest list would transcend death and we would all just be able to hang out, yammering about shit like we've known each other for ages. No one would pretend to know that they know more about anything that anybody else. It would be grand.

I'd invite the following humans:

1. Good ol' Brads (Ray Bradbury) - wise and direct. I like it.
2. Neil Gaiman - brilliant & dark AF! Also, he'd appreciate the Brads.
3. Roald Dahl - A good dose of silliness and wisdom never hurt nobody.
4. Bill Murray - Cos - DUH! - brilliant in ANY scenario!
5. Mindy Kaling - Cos - DUH! - she can keep a conversation going, no matter how awkward!

We would chat about everything, feathers and ribbons wiggling with every movement of our flapping jaws. Probably from the laughter, too. 

Yeah, we would definitely be laughing.

This list of guests are some of my biggest heroes that I've admired for far too long without properly acknowledging their influence on my life. And there have been plenty of people who have given me advice over the years. 

I learned at a young age that when a person older than you gives you advice, it's because they made a mistake; if I listened closely, I could hear in their voice how important it was to heed their words.

I think the same is true with there quote memes. They're just sitting there to be readily absorbed and heeded. Someone of us repost them just cos they seem cool or will make us seem cool. And, sure, that's aight.

But I think that when we really look at them, especially the ones from "the greats," there's so much more to be gleaned than a "like" or a "repost."

Unless it's a picture of a cat... you're probably fine just reposting or liking that cos I CAN HAZ CUTE KITTEHS!

Oh wait...

- Steph

Day 16: Mentors - Someone to Look Up To & Tell You "You Don't Suck!"

Greg Daniels yammering on about something super profound and Mindy Kaling hanging onto her mentor's wise words.

When you're in the throes of doing a bunch of scary things at once, your mind goes nuts with self doubt. This single sentence pretty much sums up my week. In the middle of that, all I needed was someone to look up to and tell me: 

"You don't suck. You're amazing and here's why..."

This is why mentors kick ass. 

One of my personal heroes (and, in my mind, future bestie), Mindy Kaling also has one such mentor. His name is Greg Daniels and they worked together on "The Office." She asked him to write a few words on what it means to be a mentor for her book, Why Not Me?, and he did.

In his essay for Mindy, one of my favorite tips Greg Daniels gave was how to approach getting a mentor. Insider info from the creator of the American version of "The Office" on how to succeed when I'm trying to break into writing? SIGN ME UP! He said:

"I have had the benefit of a lot of great mentors... I know a lot of people are probably thinking, good for you, but nobody has ever wanted to be my mentor. You take your mentoring where you can find it, even if it is not being offered to you.

"Have you ever used your neighbor's Wi-Fi when it wasn't on a password? If you have the opportunity to observe someone at work, you are getting mentoring out of them, even if they are unaware or resistant. 

"Make a list of people you think would make the greatest mentors and try to get close enough to steal their Wi-Fi."

I've been listening to Why Not Me? on Audible and I love how Mindy talks about Greg. I also love how Greg talks about Mindy. There's this level of mutual admiration that you can feel; this admiration is where the magic happens.

After a day filled with tiny panic

attacks, this was my face post-

nacho lunch with Liks.

Having come from a less than ideal childhood, I can vouch for the importance of having people around you who are looking out for your best interests, especially those pesky magical ones.

I've been blessed with more than a few people in my life that seem to take this role on willingly (why? I may never truly know). 

One of those people is my editor, Greg Likins.

The fact that anybody I just happened to meet at work wouldn't mind talking to me about his cool skills still kind of baffles me. But suddenly, there I was, talking about some amazing shit. And  in the middle of all that amazingness, I found out we have lots in common, but we're just on different levels on the ladder to where we wanna be.

That happens to be a great place to be when you're lookin' to up your game in huge and scary ways. And it seems that successful mentor-ships have a pretty decent amount of give & take.

This is how I imagine mentorship usually goes:

• Meet a human
• See other human struggle with something you've been through
• Help other human
• Get surprised when other human wants to help you, too

So when I was freaking out this last week, Liks calmed me down. He talked me through the things rationally, we brainstormed some idea for my book outline and came out with a solid focus. And it's usually pretty hard to get me to focus, so that's another skill he can add to the list.

Books on the brain? Always.

I hope that one day, when Mindy & I are downing a bag of chicharrones and gulping Diet Pepsi's on her couch, we'll both bring up something we have in common: We have mentors we look up to named Greg.

"The Gregs" (cos we're totally call them!) are crazy selfless humans who don't know how helpful they are when they encourage us to be ourselves.

"The Mindys" (yeah - I'd be open to changing my first name, if that's what it was down to) wouldn't be half as dialed in were it not for The Gregs knowing how to assist us without hindering us.

The benefit of the balance between a dose of reality whilst dreaming

is unparalleled... that is, if you're open to it.

Being able to take feedback well and really consider what your mentor is saying can be the key to whether or not they continue to put forth the energy in being your mentor. It's hard work, yo!

I hope to surprise Liks by introducing him to people who need someone with his particular skill set: thoughtful editing with an emphasis on encouragement.

May we all aim to be mentors with that kind of focus, especially when we don't realize our Wi-Fi is being tapped.

Love & junk,

- Steph 

Day 13: On Intrigue

A day spent in panic is a day full of wasted energy. And, apparently, I'm a fan of wasting ALL the energy.

It's just so much easier to run around in circles than to do ALL the things. It's so much easier to dream than to realize those dreams. It's almost as if the dream is better than the reality.

Yes - I'm being vague.

And yeah, I'm kinda doing it on purpose.

I was listening to Mindy Kaling's Why Not Me? and she said something that really struck me, both professionally and personally.

"Why was I even entertaining this? I don't know why exactly.

Maybe because, well, in spite of everything, I was still intrigued by [...].

I'm not proud of it and it's a little embarrassing to say, but sometimes you like the idea of someone [or something] so much, you just wanna do whatever it takes to make it work."

There are lots of things that intrigue me. I'm pretty much a giant sufferer of "OOH SHINY/ SQUIRREL!" syndrome. 

Oh - you haven't heard of it? Let's probably because you're a healthy, relatively normal, functioning human adult. Congratulations for learning how to focus. Can we get back to me now?

#RealTalk: There's a time & place for intrigue, dudes. There's also a place for reality.

Make sure your intrigue is in line with where you wanna go. And if it isn't, don't try to hard too make it work.

"Whatever it takes" isn't necessary when you've been told a million times by the universe (and those who care about you) that you're wasting your time.

This has been an insightful bummer message by yours truly,

- Steph

Day 2: Electric Boogaloo or Emo Hair Cuts

After a year of emo up and emo downs, I did what any self-respecting hipster girl would do: Got a drastic haircut.

Let me be the first to admit how ridiculously cliche this is. I'm owning it. Did you read my thesis or whatever? Geez, guys...

Anyway, I chopped my hair off when I arrived in Nampa, ID in 2014 after the long drive from San Francisco through Rupert, ID (we spent Christmas with my workaholic twin, Bettina of iCKY the Great). Needless to say, after that particular journey, letting go of some emo-baggage was necessary.

But this post is about hair. My bad...

The gal at the Nampa Walmart (don't judge) knew what was up, which is probably why she wasn't there when I went back for more a few months later.

Like the hurt little bunny I was, I refused to cut my hair until I found someone at the same level or better.

But when you're pregnant, your body does this weird "make your hair amazing, nails on point, skin glowing with constant dew on your brow fro hauling around extra crap" that I was about 2/3 okay with.

And then, your body releases. Like my nails are falling off and my hair is coming out in bloody clumps!

While I've tolerated this for the last month, that's ridonk.

As I'm going through a lot of change with nerd JERK and consulting, I figured why not just step it up and lean into the awesome by getting a bad ass haircut I can't afford? ;)

Although it wasn't in our budget, it had to happen.

I asked my trusted friend for alllll recommendations, Bad Andie, who did the baddest ass-est hair. In classic Andie fashion, she took me in with one of those discerning looks that pierces your soul in order to determine your worthiness and allowed me into the secret society of those who may call Aly at Red Betty's Hair House.

Decked out with everything *I* would put in my rockabilly salon, complete with every pinup gal and dude (not to mention zebra print hair capes), I was instantly in love.

Plus, she knew what was up and made my dreams come true.

Welcoming in the newest version of Steph Cortés: Sassy Bad Ass!

So why should anyone really care about someone else cutting her hair? Truth is you probably shouldn't. But it made a big difference for me. My outsides are starting to look more like my insides every single day. And it's a lot of work to make outsides look like that!

I'm the lowest weight I've been in 5 years, I'm finally trusting my skills that I've been honing over the last 9 years by creating & helping others create... plus. HAIRCUT! 

One would suppose this is friggen me walking the walk: If you wanna be awesome, effing just BE AWESOME! 

Not a lot of people make it happen. I aim to prove to you that you can. It's like what Mindy Kaling said in her most recent book, Why Not Me?:

“Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled.” 

I can't wait to meet her and/or Tina Fey someday. And show them this blog post as proof, to which they'll shrug and ask me what I'm doing backstage...

OH, DREAMS!

xoxo,

- Steph