|My grandmother, Sara Maria Cortés, back in the day|
One of the things I don't often talk about on my blog is how I am not perfect. I talk about being a human, which implies imperfection, but I suppose there's always room to share a bit more, to allow oneself to be a tad more vunerable.
For some time now, I've been ill. I had big dreams of getting over it and being awesome all over the entire world, but then those dreams got dashed when I wasn't able to leave my bed for a while. Thankfully, I don't have to stay in bed unless I want to these days, so don't get too worried or anything. But that amount of time made me think about what I had to start prioritizing in my own life.
A lot of you know that I care-give for my grandmother, affectionately known as "Lita" (short for "Abuelita," the Spanish word for "Granny"). I've been doing so for the past 14 years. During that time I've learned an important lesson: spending time with loved ones is one of the greatest joys in life.
I can't remember a time where I didn't hang out with my grandmother. And now that it's harder for her to remember some times long ago, it's even more important that I try to help her out with that.
The other day, I was sitting with her in the kitchen having lunch. She sat at the table in her wheelchair drinking out of a cup, I sat on the floor drinking out of a pot (I hate doing dishes) and it hit me how I felt both very old, very young and ultimately privileged to be in that exact position. I felt old because only adorable little old ladies sit around drinking soup and chatting about the good ol' 1930s. I felt young because I could swear I used to sit on the floor when I was a kid while my grandmother cooked for her husband. And I felt privileged that I could be in that exact place so many years later.
Lita has been showing a lot of concern for me. She's a very selfless woman. She should be worried about how she's feeling, but often she'll ask how I am before she'll even try discussing where she's at that day. So we have our little back-and-forth routine. She used to ask me what I've been making (she may be my Cuteness Quality Control Expert, but she doesn't know my business name), but since I haven't been able to give her an update for a while, she's started asking how I've been feeling.
And lately I've been feeling rather useless. The only thing I can be bothered with these days is talking with her. Usually she wants to talk about the good ol' days, so we do that. As I'm a Mormon, I thought it might be helpful to try to record some of what we talk about. When I take down these stories in broken Spanish (until I eventually give in and start writing it all down in English) and read them back to her later on, she's able to smile, laugh and come up with more details.
For both of us, some days are better than others. Sometimes she gets her stories a little mixed up, sometimes I'm too confused and not as patient, but most days we just have a good time. I often feel like when I'm putting all the info together, I'm some kind of time detective trying to get to the bottom of it all.
So - the question needs to be asked - why am I telling you about all of this?
Because, although I realise most of the people who were initially interested in what I had to say when they heard me speak at a conference or purchased one of my products, or signed up for my newsletter don't keep up with my blog (neither do I, so I guess we're even-Steven), I thought I owed an explanation for the hardcore audience who has stuck it out.
I don't have any upcoming shows. In fact, I haven't done a show in all of 2013. I'm not sure I will do any in 2014. I haven't updated my Etsy Shop in a while. And I'm not even sure I feel like working on it anymore. But I reserve the right to come back full swing when the health and the mood picks up.
Until then, rest assured, I'll be taking care of myself and my family. I will be spending time with the loved ones I had to neglect during those marathon all-nighters in 2010-2012. And I will be preparing for some LDS greatness in the near future (I'm currently prepping for the Temple). There's a lot of good things going on in Steph Cortés' life, but it's all a bit behind the scenes. Hopefully, I'll be able to fill you in a little more on how that's going as things go along.
In the meantime, so long and thanks for all the fish!