Day 8: A.K. Turner gives Good Lunch

Turkish coffee set up from lunch...

When a well-known author asks you to lunch, you say yes.

When she asks you to come to ANYTHING, you automatically say YES! Especially if she kind of amazing.

I dunno about you and your face, but there's a weird feeling that washes over me when I show up to a place and people actually don't hate my face.

Lemme 'splain, as some of you may be used to charming the undergarments off all the folks in any room you happen to be meandering through.

I'm an acquired taste.

For some reason (probably my inability to master graceful transitions), I come off as a nosey jerky-jerk-jerk when *really* you'd just said a few words that made my ears perky-perk-perk.

If you haven't made yourself so damn interesting, I could have gladly minded my own business. But nooooo - you just had to say "I wish there was a way to..."

And that's all it took. My inner genie wiggles her nose and pops up right beside you, "Mmmmmmyyyeeesssss?!?"

I totally own it: I'm a rude weirdo.

But I have SUPER genuine intentions, which is why I believe most humans tolerate my quick-storm of lists to resolve the creative issue at hand.

Think Sherlock Mind Palace meets Bruce Almighty email answering scene.

That's what it's like to be in my head all day. Ugh. I mean - WOOOO!

I've been showing up to some events in Boise (mainly writer/author thingies) and

have been meeting people I never could have dreamt I'd get to know anywhere else.

One of those folks is A.K. Turner. I call her A.K. Rowling and she LOVES it! (She totally doesn't, but she tolerates me.)

I signed up for her class months ago. I started researching comedy and what made things funny. I found info that I thought that would help her with her class, "Sharpening Pencils & Wit", bought some things... Never expected to have the chance to give them to her.

After all, how would I meet her?

Apparently, she already knew about me.

Eep.

Eep!!!

So there was nothing to be weird about, but I'm a weirdo.

Then she asked me if I was going to a party. So I had to go. Then I was asked to lunch, so I went...

We 'lunched'!

Lesson from lunch: When you get your ass handed to you by a bestselling author,

you thank them and do what you're told.

Or that's what Amanda would have me believe. So I'm gonna do that. And it will be awesome. And I'm scared, but I'm still gonna fuckin' do it.

Oh shit. I'm actually gonna do the book and now I have a deadline.

Oh shit.

I mean, there were gyros & baklava involved in this contract, so it's kind of a thing now, right?

SHIT!

I owe Amanda a 2,000 word outline in a week.

Wow.

Shit...

I guess this is a thing now. This is a real thing. WEEEEEEEEEeeeeEEEEeeee!

- Steph

p.s. While this post was posted a day late, it was written on Day 8. ;) I'm currently working on Day 9, which is about my lovely trainer, Tyler. SPOILER ALERT: He read my last post about him...

Day 7: HULLO, 33 years of age!

Look at my excited face!

I'm gonna be old in a few days. When I say that, a lot of my friends are gonna groan.

That's okay. I know I was a baby and you were in high school. I know you STILL think I'm a baby. And, admittedly, I'm kinda acting like one lately (especially the last few days), but, you know, whatever. That's besides the point, you guys.

The point is Mid-Thirties, here I come!

On the cusp of my cusp-y birthday (21 May), I'm left to ponder what I have learned in the previous year.

• Don't be diabetic while pregnant unless you plan on having your kid 2 months early, in which case, DEFINITELY be diabetic whilst preggers
• Feel free to feel all the feels, but suffer the wrath of the consequences (especially whilst preggers)
• Talk really openly with your person about what bugs you. It always *sounds* like a bad idea, but if they're the person you're supposed to be with, it never is.
• Make lots of friends so you can help lots of people. They'll surprise you and start helping you when you didn't even know you needed help.
• Choose to be optimistic (especially whilst preggers)

My year was spent making Elliott, and while I adore the lil dude, I learned a lot of hard lessons whilst preggers. (For those of you wondering, we'll reassess our family planning goals in 2-3 years. Until then, it's the Ellie show! Weeee!)

Personally, I've grown a lot. And while I can see it and so can my closest friends, I'm still struggling. Reconciling frustration, disappointment & anger/resentment has never been my thing. Gah! But I think it needs to become my new thing.

But that's another post.

In the meantime, HULLO 33! I welcome you with lukewarm floppy hugs and a smirky grimace that won't quit. May you stay suck less than 32.

- Steph

Day 6: Lessons on "Goin' HELLA Hard!" with Tyler

Exhausted. That's the word I'd use to describe the feeling we get when we're hustlin'.

Sometimes it's one of those good exhaustions, the ones that wash over you after a job well done (or lots of tiny jobs well done, as they're leading up to the big thing).

Sometimes, though, you're just worn the cuss out.

And that's cool, too. Unless that's you all of the time.

Then it's like, "Whoops. This sucks."

I'm close to the "Whoops." I've gotta rally, man. Like SO HARD.

I've been doing workouts with a personal trainer. His name is Tyler.

Yeah, I vomit in my mouth a little when I say it, too. And he knows it.

Tyler (*gulp*) is a douche. He's a nice, well-meaning douche, but it doesn't change the fact that he's a 21 year old "hottie" looking for love, but training people to be as cut as he is.

I will NEVER be as cut as he is and I openly dislike him, but I'm still his favourite client.

Why? Why would this dudebro look forward to spending time with this ancient fat crone?

Cos I make talk copious amounts of shit and I make him laugh.

Practicing my shit talk/comedy routine is the ONLY REASON we're still working out together!

And every time I get close to exhaustion (I'm not talkin' "But I'm le tired..." puny stuff. I'm talkin' I can't hear out of my ears, I'm falling over and I'm shaking for exertion, k?), he pushes me.

That little douchebro pushes me beyond the points I've gone before and it works!

"Most people don't go as hard as they can go," he yammered while checking out some girl's 'technique'. "You can always do more."

My sweaty brow furrowed, "What're you sayin'? I don't go hard?!" (You've gotta speak their lingo or ya lose em these days.)

His deep green hazel-flecked eyes back on mine, super seriously, he says, "No. You don't."

To which I proceeded to tell him 500 different ways he could fuck all the way off, peppering in all of the commitments I go hard at.

What do I exactly need to prove to Tyler?! (UGH!) Nothing.

It's all about proving it to myself. And I'm doing a helluva job.

But, apparently, I can go harder...

Well, challenge accepted, arse-bucket! May your goo-goo eyes work on someone in spandex pants on the other side of the room. They just piss me off to levels of RAGEY ENTHUSIASM for FITNESS (and other activities in which I may over-achieve)!!!

- Steph

Day 5: Self Care or How I'm a Hypocrite

Small business creatives are used to the hustle. They are used to workin' all the angle and wearin' all the hats. And that's amazeballs! I'm so proud of you.

But what happens when something comes up & you can't wear a few hats? What happens when the overwhelm sets it?

What then, son?

Creative humans love being creative. They hate not being creative. But as David Allen states something to the effect of the following in his "Getting Things Done" webinar:

There are these moments when you are supremely focused. This is inspiration. You just want to stay in it. And you should! But when the moment passes, so should you.

If you can create and be focused, DO IT!

But make room for the moments when you're not and use those moments to take care of yourself.

Yeah, I said it.


For years, I've lived off sugar free energy drinks. I mean it - Liam Neeson and I have a lot in common. It was all to try and stay awake to get more things done.

Eventually I crashed and burned hard, having to force myself to take a break from doing something I loved - making nerdy art for nerds & their friends.

Do you know how much that sucks?

So help me not be a hypocrite when I ask you take care of yourself.

Even THIS VERY POST is two days late (even though I technically wrote it on Monday, which was Day 5, so suck it!) because I was busy grabbing my head and dislodging it from my butt. 

What I'm trying to say was because I wasn't really giving myself any breaks, I became a jerk.

Here's to taking more breaks when we need them, entrepreneurs! 

Makers gonna make!

Players gonna play!

And let them haters start to hate cos they ain't got no game.

Word to your mother (I hope she's well),

- Steph

Day 4: Secret Poet & You Didn't Know It

There's a part of yourself that you choose to share with the world as a creative human. And there's also that secret hidden part that needs to make stuff that's completely unrelated. Sometimes that unrelated stuff sparks some other creative fire you had no idea existed.

Or at least that's how it is with me.

My hidden area is poetry.

Yes, as a depressed fat girl, poetry became a (cliche) way to express myself passionately where I had no other outlet. I had notebooks full of it for years. And a lot of it sucked, sure.

But some of it is really good.

And I have rarely ever shared it.

Maybe that's on purpose. Maybe I don't want the product of that special secret space wherein I cathartically create to be judged harshly.

Because anything you put out there gets judged, ammirite?

But there's a lot that went into that (awkward AF) statement. Special things don't always beg to be shared. Often they just need to be cherished.

And I suppose that's what poetry is to me.

When I was digging into my family history, I found that I was related to a famous poet in Nicaragua, Alfonso Cortes. but although he is celebrated for his metaphysical prose (courses are taught about his stuff... which is amazing), he died chained to the window bars of an asylum.

So, it's not that I'm saying that sharing poetry and crazy are besties, chained to each other in every way. I'm just saying - it's scary to put things out there that might come from a deep, dark place that may or may not belong hidden in an asylum.

In a society where we are asked to constantly share our lives (I don't need to know you're eating waffles - that only makes me super jelly, you guys), it's nice to think some aspects of our myriad of interests are special enough to be clutched close to our souls.

-fin-

- Steph 

[post written on 15 May '16, but not published until 16 May due to religious reasons.]

Day 3: On Being a "Writer"

via Palmetto Publishing (a source of constant inspiration on my Facebook feed)

I'm going to Shut Up & Write and I'm scared.

Not because they're a bunch of Judgey McJudgersons (although my mentor is because that's how he rolls), but because I feel like a fraud.

The group solely exists to give one an hour to write uninterrupted. The unspoken rule is one it to work on a body of work. But it seems like I just do my client work or social media marketing planning instead.

But I'm planning all this stuff for an ebook I haven't finished the first draft of.

My editor (as gracious and patient as he is) has asked me to write more. "You were doing so well!" he said, trying to motivate me while I was slumped on the floor, overwhelmed with my workload. "Just keep going..."

It's a funny thing about building an empire: you don't expect all the supplies you need to build it up will arrive at the same time. And when they do, you're like "WTF, mate?!?!"

I feel like a fraud cos he also had said something to the effect of "I bugs me when people start marketing stuff they haven't even created yet. How do they know what they're even putting out there?"

*hangs head* *mumbles* I just do. Trust me...? Please?

And, really, I need to trust myself.

I think that trusting ourselves as creative humans requires an inordinate amount of trust. Like, I'm talkin' RIDICULOUS!

Sometimes it may be due to the fact that we feel as if we may need to prove our "worth" to those around us. That we deserve to take up the space that we're currently inhabiting in our little corner of the creative universe. 

But, dude - that's a waste of energy. We don't need to prove ourselves to anyone. We could just create.

When I trusted myself a bit more, I accomplished the following (p.s. I love lists - it's a chronic condition):

• I've put words on pages. 
• I've outlined the shit outta two books. 
• I've got a marketing plan that will be tweaked as we go, as allllll good marketing plans are (because they take into account the feedback they're receiving from the target audience and tailor it to them... JUST to hit them babes in the FEELS)!
• I've assembled a brain trust of humans I will allow to build me up and tear me down at will.
• I've taken class after workshop after lecture on alllllllll things literary
• I've made a bunch of connections with people I truly admire and want to help in any way I can
• I've seen a return on my investment in myself that I quantify with the amount of work piling up (in my notebooks, inboxes, event invitations, business lunches/coffees, meet-ups, etc.)
• I'm scared shitless of the success because I've been used to not being successful for a very long time.

Now I'm at Shut Up & Write. I was stoked to see my friends that I've gotten to know over the last two months reporting on the incredible progress they're making with their projects. Two folks even FINISHED THEIR BOOKS! How amazing is that?!

In SU&W tradition, we all quickly introduced ourselves and shared the current state of our projects. When it came to my turn, I read the few lines of this blog post out loud.

It was scary to do that because I was basically admitting to a group of accomplished humans that I felt shitty about my efforts.

Before the meeting had started, I was delighted to see that Natalie from Gad About the Globe (a rad travel blog which centers around "Bringing the World Home") was already set up at a table. We'd met at an event for the Nonfiction Authors Association MeetUp and had an instant connection over humor, travel and gay dads (for more on that, you'll have to check out her memoir). 

As I settled into my spot, we started talking about different groups we were a part of and what we liked about them. Natalie has been in the game quite a bit longer than I have. I really enjoy hearing about her journey and she always has this uniquely thoughtful perspective that I admire. So when we started discussing a group that I was going to attend, she asked me to let her know what I thought of them. We both agreed when we went to a group, we wanted to take something away from the time we put into it. 

"When I go to an event, I want to grow from it. When I don't feel that way, I have to step back," she said, wisely. "Most of these folks haven't even written their first book yet and so they're still figuring it out. I need something that's gonna help me with where I'm at."

She made the most sense ever in that moment, but also seemed to speak to the tiny anxious monster hidden in my belly - the one constantly jumping around, stomping, shouting about how I'm a faker and I'll never make anything of myself.

After a shallow breath, I voiced that to Natalie, shyly... but it took all the courage I had to open my mouth in the first place.

"But there's a difference: you've got skillz!" she smiled. "You've DONE things and MADE things. You know what you're talking about. You've got SKILLZ!"

Your FACE has skillz, Natalie. *blushes*

Of course, she was totally right, you guys.

She reminded me of something I've been trying to prove to folks (and remember what I said about "proving yourself to others" and how fricken useful THAT is *eye roll*) and to myself.

I know the things. Things be hella familiar to me. I can teach the things because I've taught the things!

But when someone who had only met me ONE TIME before could tell that I knew the things after a 20 minutes conversation... 

THAT shut the little bugger in my belly right up!

My aim as a writer/consultant/mentor to the creative business owners & freelancers out there is to take what is new to them (i.e. starting a business and selling their skills for money) and make it familiar so it's not so scary.

Cos this is scary business. Even I get scurrrred. And the things I've learned are familiar to me... so that should make them easy to translate. Except for the fact that I'm new to writing them down and giving them to people.

Thank you, Natalie and Shut Up & Write for making me face my fears and do the things I already know how to do.

And a huge thanks to Liks for believing in me when I don't quite believe in myself. And for trusting me even when I don't make sense quite yet. If you need an editor for ANYTHING, he's the man! Contact him here.

So... I guess I am good enough. Even if no one believed in me (and I'm lucky that a few people do), I would still be good enough to call myself a "writer."

What are you calling yourself these days?

No, but FOR REALZ! Tell me...

- Steph