Day 30: On Setting Creative Boundaries

via wilwheaton.net

A sucker for blue eyes and mood lighting, I didn't need to see who was actually posting the link to this photograph to convince me to click. 

And then I saw it was Wil Wheaton. 

While I haven't been keeping up with Wil's life reboot as closely as my inner 9 year old fan girl would like to, I've always had mad respect for Wil's journey. He's a hero of sorts, even though he never really signed up to be.

What makes Wil an unlikely hero? 

1. He knows his shit - Actor, writer, director, TV show host, gamer, geek, helped of humans, father, husband, lover of cool shit. 
2. He does shit - Writing (this was book that solidified my nerdcrush), gaming on TV, creating cool resources for geeks and rebooting his entire life so he can feel better? YUSSSS!
3. He makes times for shit - See reboot comment above, the post Wil wrote about his reboot and rest of blog post for deets

I'll leave it to you to take it upon yourself to read about his journey. I can only say it's interesting and inspiring as hell, especially from the standpoint of a fellow creative human in a similar struggle.

Being an adult means you have to do all these things you don't wanna do. When "old people" who were like in their 30s used to tell me to take care of myself cos it gets harder, I didn't wanna believe them. And I wouldn't have unless I lived with & cared for awesome grandparents with failing health.

Okay, adulting - you win.

Then I decided to live a life in which I also did creative schtuff. This is great when you have a supportive community around you (family, friends, Etsy homies). I was blessed enough to have that.  And like Wil, knowing that there's a creative community out there that enjoys and thrives off your contributions can make you feel a huge sense of duty to them... even to the point that you put them before yourself.

So when you start the inevitable burn out that comes with giving to a community, your friends who are going though some shit and your family, you start to think about who's gonna take care of you.  

Then, in a weird lucid moment that usually accompanies a pile of all-nighters you pulled to make deadlines, you realize that's YOUR job.

Whoops.

F*ck.

Taking care of other people is easy for me. I enjoy helping other humans and I don't suck at it. People have told me this. Should you need them, I am more than willing to provide several letters of reference. *cheeky wink*

But taking care of myself? NOPE! Gross.

Wil made a conscious decision to set creative boundaries when he said he wasn't going to cons this summer. And speaking from the nerd business perspective, this was a f*ckin' bold move on his part.

He says:

I have to stay home and write. I have to find my way back to the art. I have to find my way back to being a creative person who makes stories and characters and creative things, instead of being a person who hosts stuff, does things which are transactional nonfiction, and spends lots of time on the road talking about those things.

Ruh-roh! That highlighted line hit me deep in my guts. 

The truth is that I'm on a different creative level that Mr. Wheaton, but it does not diminish the fact that I spend time talking about things, gathering info, researching and planning out things. This all takes up about 99% of my time. The rest of it is devoted to family. So when I'm faced with DOING the actual creative things I set out to do... I'm burned out.

So - if I were one of my clients, I would tell myself to stop doing all the things and make time for myself. This is what my editor has been telling me for about 6 weeks.

Whoops.

It took reading about how someone else needed to set up his creative boundaries to get myself to the point where I could honestly say I needed to carve out personal time. I only didn't want to do that because all of the active socializing has been incredibly helpful thus far and has really started to shape how I approach this book writing process.

But then you'd gotta write.

So I will. I will schedule time and I will sit down to do that chunk of writing.

Then I will schedule in more time to set up nerd JERK patterns.

And then I will schedule time to snuggle my family. Okay - maybe I'll sneak in some snuggling.

Thank you to everyone who has been reading this blog and/or peeking in to see how it's going. I truly appreciate the kind comments about enjoying this so far. 

I may not be consistent, but at least I do some of the things. I was setting some boundaries I didn't even realize I needed.

- Steph

Day 3: On Being a "Writer"

via Palmetto Publishing (a source of constant inspiration on my Facebook feed)

I'm going to Shut Up & Write and I'm scared.

Not because they're a bunch of Judgey McJudgersons (although my mentor is because that's how he rolls), but because I feel like a fraud.

The group solely exists to give one an hour to write uninterrupted. The unspoken rule is one it to work on a body of work. But it seems like I just do my client work or social media marketing planning instead.

But I'm planning all this stuff for an ebook I haven't finished the first draft of.

My editor (as gracious and patient as he is) has asked me to write more. "You were doing so well!" he said, trying to motivate me while I was slumped on the floor, overwhelmed with my workload. "Just keep going..."

It's a funny thing about building an empire: you don't expect all the supplies you need to build it up will arrive at the same time. And when they do, you're like "WTF, mate?!?!"

I feel like a fraud cos he also had said something to the effect of "I bugs me when people start marketing stuff they haven't even created yet. How do they know what they're even putting out there?"

*hangs head* *mumbles* I just do. Trust me...? Please?

And, really, I need to trust myself.

I think that trusting ourselves as creative humans requires an inordinate amount of trust. Like, I'm talkin' RIDICULOUS!

Sometimes it may be due to the fact that we feel as if we may need to prove our "worth" to those around us. That we deserve to take up the space that we're currently inhabiting in our little corner of the creative universe. 

But, dude - that's a waste of energy. We don't need to prove ourselves to anyone. We could just create.

When I trusted myself a bit more, I accomplished the following (p.s. I love lists - it's a chronic condition):

• I've put words on pages. 
• I've outlined the shit outta two books. 
• I've got a marketing plan that will be tweaked as we go, as allllll good marketing plans are (because they take into account the feedback they're receiving from the target audience and tailor it to them... JUST to hit them babes in the FEELS)!
• I've assembled a brain trust of humans I will allow to build me up and tear me down at will.
• I've taken class after workshop after lecture on alllllllll things literary
• I've made a bunch of connections with people I truly admire and want to help in any way I can
• I've seen a return on my investment in myself that I quantify with the amount of work piling up (in my notebooks, inboxes, event invitations, business lunches/coffees, meet-ups, etc.)
• I'm scared shitless of the success because I've been used to not being successful for a very long time.

Now I'm at Shut Up & Write. I was stoked to see my friends that I've gotten to know over the last two months reporting on the incredible progress they're making with their projects. Two folks even FINISHED THEIR BOOKS! How amazing is that?!

In SU&W tradition, we all quickly introduced ourselves and shared the current state of our projects. When it came to my turn, I read the few lines of this blog post out loud.

It was scary to do that because I was basically admitting to a group of accomplished humans that I felt shitty about my efforts.

Before the meeting had started, I was delighted to see that Natalie from Gad About the Globe (a rad travel blog which centers around "Bringing the World Home") was already set up at a table. We'd met at an event for the Nonfiction Authors Association MeetUp and had an instant connection over humor, travel and gay dads (for more on that, you'll have to check out her memoir). 

As I settled into my spot, we started talking about different groups we were a part of and what we liked about them. Natalie has been in the game quite a bit longer than I have. I really enjoy hearing about her journey and she always has this uniquely thoughtful perspective that I admire. So when we started discussing a group that I was going to attend, she asked me to let her know what I thought of them. We both agreed when we went to a group, we wanted to take something away from the time we put into it. 

"When I go to an event, I want to grow from it. When I don't feel that way, I have to step back," she said, wisely. "Most of these folks haven't even written their first book yet and so they're still figuring it out. I need something that's gonna help me with where I'm at."

She made the most sense ever in that moment, but also seemed to speak to the tiny anxious monster hidden in my belly - the one constantly jumping around, stomping, shouting about how I'm a faker and I'll never make anything of myself.

After a shallow breath, I voiced that to Natalie, shyly... but it took all the courage I had to open my mouth in the first place.

"But there's a difference: you've got skillz!" she smiled. "You've DONE things and MADE things. You know what you're talking about. You've got SKILLZ!"

Your FACE has skillz, Natalie. *blushes*

Of course, she was totally right, you guys.

She reminded me of something I've been trying to prove to folks (and remember what I said about "proving yourself to others" and how fricken useful THAT is *eye roll*) and to myself.

I know the things. Things be hella familiar to me. I can teach the things because I've taught the things!

But when someone who had only met me ONE TIME before could tell that I knew the things after a 20 minutes conversation... 

THAT shut the little bugger in my belly right up!

My aim as a writer/consultant/mentor to the creative business owners & freelancers out there is to take what is new to them (i.e. starting a business and selling their skills for money) and make it familiar so it's not so scary.

Cos this is scary business. Even I get scurrrred. And the things I've learned are familiar to me... so that should make them easy to translate. Except for the fact that I'm new to writing them down and giving them to people.

Thank you, Natalie and Shut Up & Write for making me face my fears and do the things I already know how to do.

And a huge thanks to Liks for believing in me when I don't quite believe in myself. And for trusting me even when I don't make sense quite yet. If you need an editor for ANYTHING, he's the man! Contact him here.

So... I guess I am good enough. Even if no one believed in me (and I'm lucky that a few people do), I would still be good enough to call myself a "writer."

What are you calling yourself these days?

No, but FOR REALZ! Tell me...

- Steph

Day 1: Oh Balls - What Am I Getting Myself Into...

Today I start blogging daily because of this post and a hidden desire residing deep within me to share my #realtalk in a meaningful way. 

It occurs to me that I may have to do this in the few minutes it takes me to get to work, as that's the only chunk of time that I can semi-consistently set aside to write anything longer than 140 characters (and even THAT'S a stretch).

But my words will be out there, awesome-saucing somebody's brain nuggets.

I have this 5 month old boy & 38 year old husband that love me more than most people deserve to be loved, and yet, I feel this tremendous guilt every time I'm spend even a few minutes adoring them.

You guys are totally gonna bust my balls over this, right?

"It allllll goes by soooooo fast!!!" "They grow up and you'll never be able to experience this again." "They're so sweet at this age; soak it all in!"

*pulls giant UGGGHHH face*

Srsly, you guys - I KNOW! I promise that I know ALL of that. Thank you for your concern, but you don't know me.

Yet.

It's *because* of their existence that I feel compelled to create awesomeness. I have this need to fulfill what I feel is my true calling: helping others get set up for success.

Basically, I wanna be the Mary Poppins of creative start up efforts, but, y'know, BAD ASS!!!

(Not throwin' shade, Mary - just tellin' it how it be...)

So here I am again, with big dreams and shakin' knees cos it looks that everything is starting to fall into place.

Oh shit.

Now what?

Paralyzed with the fear of success for once (yeah, I know I've been aight before, but not at something I'm THIS excited about), I feel like a tiny overly giddy dog quietly wetting himself in a corner of the Internet.

Why I'm a male dog in a corner in my own example just goes to show how effed up this cat-lover's mind really is at the moment...

So, how is this fat nerd girl tacklin' her probs? Podcasts and library books, of course!!!

Tara Swiger's "Explore Your Enthusiasm" has been saving my ass for the last 6 weeks. I'm listening to episodes from last year and finding just as much joy in them as the brand new ones coming out every week.

In one of them where she recommends books for creative humans, she mentioned Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert (who also happened to have penned one of my fave indie cookbooks that she co-authored with her great grandma... but that's another story).

I have decided that THIS book is it, especially since it wasn't even supposed to be checked in...

We'll see how it fares against my "never finishing any book ever" curse.

Love and junk,

- S