Day 17: The Weird Living Arrangement with Fear, Desire & Success

In creating art, there seems to be this constant battle. Between what? - It could be whatever demons you choose, mon'amie.

For me, I've got a couple of monsters dukin' it out like that Imagine Dragons video. 

For those of you who haven't seen this amazing video (or don't click links, cos - duh DISTRACTION!), here's how it goes:

• Illegal stuffed animal fights ref'd by maniacal Lou Diamond Phillips 
• Bad ass chick brings her pink bear into the ring
• Shit goes DOWN!!!

I'll just leave this riiiiiiiiight here...

So, I believe that as creative humans, we all kinda have this kind of a fight going on in our souls. Some good things trying to get out, some fear or doubt trying to keep us down. Some outside force seems to determine whether or not we succeed in the end.

My particular monsters are Fear & Desire. Both of them are scared of Lou Diamond Phillips (who plays the role of Success in my movie theater). Sadly, they all have to live in the same tiny apartment of my brain.

They're not into each other. It's like a Criagslist rental went horribly awry, but they're stuck in their lease until their landlord evicts them. But that greedy landlord don't give no shits.

Okay - that's getting a little dark, but "bear" with me...

Fear is really into controlling Desire. Like, obsessively so. He should probably get some treatment, but no one's really called him on it yet, so he's just gonna go with it.

Desire is a bad ass in her own right. She's determined to get the f*ck out of this shithole and is gonna do everything to make that happen. Or that's what she tells herself every time her eyes get all fiery and stoked.

But Fear knows her buttons intimately. He'll remind her of all the times her will wasn't enough to make things happen - because, y'know - life!

At what point does Desire make it happen? When does she go to Success and let him know she's gonna get her own apartment? He'd be into it - more money for him...

I don't know. But I suppose it starts with a conversation with ourselves.

The bigger the payoff, the more we're driven, right?

Or are we f*ckin' paralyzed at all the possibilities?

I'm currently staring a big pile of Success in the face. It's incredible and, frankly, against all odds of actually becoming completely realized. But there's no chance of realization without goin' for it, right?

But my feet won't move.

I open my mouth and words don't come out.

I stare at screens and hope 

something brilliant appears.

The only actual work I've done is transferred my book outline to index cards so I can get all crazy pants with it when I went to Shut Up & Write this week (which kicked MUCH ass as almost everybody was brand new)!

This Saturday morning's Shut Up & WRITE! Crew at the Roastere:

(from right to left): Natalie Perry, Greg Likins, Renee Settle & Conda Douglas.

Not Pictured: Nick Szafranski & myself.

But it was something, right? There were a couple of steps taken in the right direction.

I suppose my wish for all of us is to be able to occasionally kick Fear in the balls and go get a room of our own. Then we can decorate that room and fill it with everything that makes us wanna create awesomeness.

Sure, that Fear-f*cker can come a-knockin'... but nobody's gotta answer.

- Steph