30 June 2012

The Real Reason Why I Haven't Been Around - My Health

In the ER for 7 hrs at SF General makes ya take photos

Folks - it's time to get real. So, gather round & pop a squat - it's "Real Talk" time.

I've been pretty sick since mid December 2011. Without going into gruesome detail, I've been depleted of some needed nutrients and have been exhausted for it. I thought this problem would just sort itself out, so I continued to ignore it.

In fact, I decided the best way to ignore the problem was to keep myself busy... so I started taking on more work. I started setting huge goals for myself (speaking, teaching, consulting, gallery work), gathering a work force (2 interns and looking to start wholesaling with a sales rep) and get married!

Now, beloved audience: what do you think happened as a result of all of this new stress on me & my system?

I totally prevailed!... for a while. Until my body rebelled against the late nights (sometimes all nighters) and started shutting me down.

Soon I was just falling asleep while I was working. I felt weak all of the time. My hair even fell out, dudes. And as the month went on, it only got worse.

So I ignored it some more...

Oh balls...
... and it got pretty horrible.

For someone who takes great pride is working very hard, meeting as many deadlines as possible & taking care of the people around me, I sure wasn't doin' myself any favours.

Despite the pain & lethargy, I decided to keep my condition under wraps - 'cept to a couple of my homies that needed to be in the know. These homies could tell something was up. I wasn't my normal "Steph-like" self. They begged me to go to a doctor & take care of myself.

Instead, I put it off cos of anxiety. I could come up with a million reasons why I didn't need help. I was a DIY Crafter. I could fannegle my way outta some health issue.

Well, no - I couldn't. More often than not, I was so exhausted from trying to get things done & just feel normal that I ended up going to bed... for most of the day. Eventually this ended up affecting my business & personal relationships in a big way. Deadlines whooshed past, people didn't talk to me anymore (cos I was sleeping & hurting) and I just shut myself out of the world.

Something had to be done. So I went to the hospital.

After a million tests, they came up with a simple solution (which I thought of months before but was too chicken to go through with) and sent me on my way. I'm glad to say that "our" solution is working well enough to get some of the health issues under control.

I'm still tired, I'm still achey and I'm still stressed from all the deadlines about to whoosh past me next week. :(

What my face looks like when I look at my To Do List
And while, yeah, stuff isn't gonna change overnight and we don't completely know what's wrong with me yet, I took the first step to getting back to getting back to you guys... getting back to being myself.

I'm excited to get this shit under control, dudes. And I'm really stoked that I will be able to be normal for my nerd wedding (which I might need your opinion on)... but in the meantime, I've just gotta take it a day at a time.

So that's the real reason why I haven't been around: I put myself last on the "To Do List" for too long.

I'll try to be better about that, guys. It may take practise, but we'll get there.

Thanks so much for being patient while waiting for me to get back to you all. It means a lot to me that y'all still give a hoot about this nerd.

xo, Steph

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